Jokes (Only clean jokes here, please!)

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Yogesh Sarkar, May 19, 2006.

  1. Yogesh Sarkar

    Yogesh Sarkar Administrator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2006
    Messages:
    63,668
    Likes Received:
    8,358
    Location:
    New Delhi
    Q: Why are Harley's some of the safest bikes on the road?
    A: You can't go fast enough to hurt yourself....

    Q: Why do harley riders never ride faster than 50mph???
    A: Any faster and they can't see where the parts fell off.
     
  2. powerslave

    powerslave Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2006
    Messages:
    349
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Thane
    All's good, except why single me out? :confused:
     
  3. Yogesh Sarkar

    Yogesh Sarkar Administrator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2006
    Messages:
    63,668
    Likes Received:
    8,358
    Location:
    New Delhi
    hehe first darky now you? maybe we can have a special joke thread :wink:
     
  4. Yogesh Sarkar

    Yogesh Sarkar Administrator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2006
    Messages:
    63,668
    Likes Received:
    8,358
    Location:
    New Delhi
    A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

    Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

    The crowd made way for him.

    Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
     
  5. Yogesh Sarkar

    Yogesh Sarkar Administrator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2006
    Messages:
    63,668
    Likes Received:
    8,358
    Location:
    New Delhi
    The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school.

    Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
    A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

    Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
    A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

    Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
    A: Your car.

    Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
    A: Be too drunk to find your keys.

    Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
    A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

    Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
    A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

    Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
    A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if she is cute.

    Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
    A: The color.

    Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
    A: Heavy psychedelics.

    Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
    A: Carry loaded weapons.

    Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
    A: It would be tough to be an idiot all day long.
     
  6. SachinOnTop

    SachinOnTop Full Use Else Lose

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2006
    Messages:
    13,690
    Likes Received:
    548
    Location:
    Delhi/Noida
    only the admin himself is having the fun!!!

    wat a joke!! :lol:
     
  7. Yogesh Sarkar

    Yogesh Sarkar Administrator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2006
    Messages:
    63,668
    Likes Received:
    8,358
    Location:
    New Delhi
    apna hath jagannath :p
     
  8. Yogesh Sarkar

    Yogesh Sarkar Administrator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2006
    Messages:
    63,668
    Likes Received:
    8,358
    Location:
    New Delhi
    ? It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
    ? At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
    ? At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
    ? When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?"
    ? "Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'
     
  9. Yogesh Sarkar

    Yogesh Sarkar Administrator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2006
    Messages:
    63,668
    Likes Received:
    8,358
    Location:
    New Delhi
    ? While riding one day, alone Biker met a Farmer riding a horse with a dog and a sheep alongside. The biker began a conversation . . . .
    ? Biker: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
    ? Farmer: "Dogs don?t talk."
    ? Biker: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
    ? Dog: "Doing' alright."
    ? Farmer: Look of shock.
    ? Biker: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the farmer.
    ? Dog: "Yep."
    ? Biker: "How does he treat you?"
    ? Dog: "Really well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, & takes me to the river once a week."
    ? Farmer: Look of total disbelief.
    ? Biker: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
    ? Farmer: "Horses don?t talk."
    ? Biker: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
    ? Horse: "Cool."
    ? Farmer: Extreme look of shock.
    ? Biker: "Is this your owner? " pointing at the Farmer.
    ? Horse: "Yessiree Bob."
    ? Biker: "How's he treating you?"
    ? Horse: "Pretty good, and thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
    ? Farmer: Total look of utter amazement.
    ? Biker: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
    ? Farmer: "The sheep is a liar."
     
  10. Yogesh Sarkar

    Yogesh Sarkar Administrator

    Joined:
    May 18, 2006
    Messages:
    63,668
    Likes Received:
    8,358
    Location:
    New Delhi
    ? A police officer pulled over two nuns riding on a motorcycle, and said to the rider, 'Ma'am, you're driving much too slowly, could you please drive faster?"
    ? And the nun says, 'Oh, I saw the sign with the "21" and assumed the speed limit was 21 km/h"
    ? The officer explains: 'No ma'am, the speed limit is 80. The highway number is Interstate 21."
    ? Then the police officer look at the passenger and see the other nun shaking like a leaf.
    ? "Excuse me sister, but what's wrong with your passenger?"
    ? "Oh, that's probably because we just got off Highway 205."
     

Share This Page