Jokes (Only clean jokes here, please!)


In Pursuit of Happyness
***** Breaking News *****

NASA's robot 'Curiosity' landed on Mars today. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN, beers, cars, bikes or porn, making it very clear that men are not from Mars!


Santa to Banta:Oye Santa !!what movie did u watch on your DVD player yesterday ?

Banta:Oh Don't ask yaar, it was a very stupid MOvie, for three hours, no Actors,No actresses, No songs, no action , no comedy, no drama, no emotion, no fun, nothing at all !! what a flop movie !

Santa: Really ?? What was the name of that movie?

Banta: "No Disc Inserted"! :)

Mangesh Bramhe

I got BlackJack3d
In the Ongoing London Olympics,

China has got 64 medals.

USA has got 63 medals.

While India has got 1 Silver, 2 Bronze & 1 Bappi Lahiri.

India Wins!! :- :lol: :supz:


In Pursuit of Happyness
A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers do for living ?

All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth.

However, little Kapil was being uncharacteristcally quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied,
"My fathers is an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his purse Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Kapil aside.
"Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Congress Committee and is helping to get Rahul Gandhi and Congress elected in 2014 elections, but it's too embarrassing.
Boy at Blood Bank Counter: Mujhe Jaldi se ek bottle blood de do...

Clerk: Blood Group bolo??

Boy: Koi bhi chalega, par jaldi do.

Clerk: Aise kaise chalega??

Boy: Girlfriend ko Love Letter likhna hai :D

John Mathai

john-the wanderer
Once upon a time, in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their effort.

The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching.

The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

While the man was away the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

They never saw the man nor his assistant again, and once again there were monkeys everywhere.

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

To make sure that people don’t forget the issue of corruption and are bugged by it every now and then, Team Anna has decided to launch a chain of restaurant that will operate on “corruption” theme.
The restaurant will be steeped in corruption right from the entry to exit, which will not be allowed unless the visitors tip the waiter for their shoddy services.

“When you visit the restaurant, unless you bribe the gatekeeper, he won’t let you in. He will keep telling you that all the tables are full, even though there might be space inside,” Arvind Kejriwal explained the functioning of the “corrupt restaurant”.

Once a person is inside the restaurant, he’ll have to pay bribe again to get the favorite table, all of which will be marked with fake “reserved” tags.

One could get such a plate and will have to pay bribe to get it cleaned

“We are not against reservations,” Kejriwal hastely clarified, “This step is only to convey how one bribe leads to another.”

To convey red-tapism and incompetence in the system, the restaurant will always give lesser items than those ordered by a customer and later claim that the customer didn’t place a particular order at all.

“To make sure that you get what you order, you’ll have to get a photo-copy of waiter’s note, put revenue stamps on it and get it signed by the waiter in triplicate,” Kejriwal told Faking News.

After all these bribery and bureaucratic formalities, the food will arrive too late (unless one pay bribe again), and could be of half-cooked. Customers might have to get it packed and cook themselves at home.

When asked why anyone would visit such a restaurant at all, Mr. Kejriwal said that there would be incentives such as meeting Jan Lokpal supporting celebrities inside and getting a genuine and autographed “I am Anna” cap.

“But more than these, this is an initiative to spread awareness against corruption and to sensitize people against corruption,” Kejriwal explained, “The revenues of the restaurant, including the bribes, will be used to fund our movement.”

“If we can fight political corruption by being in politics, why can’t we fight bribes with bribes?” Kejriwal rejected criticisms that such a restaurant could actually encourage corruption.

“Furthermore, these bribes are notional,” he added.

Other members of Team Anna also agreed that the idea of having a restaurant was a nice one as it went well with the theme of frequent fasts.

“We remained hungry due to corruption, and this way we’d give an opportunity to an aam aadmi to remain hungry due to corruption,” a Team Anna member said, “The movement must not die. We are ending our fast, but the hunger has to be there.”

Note: I'm not sure if this is the correct thread for the above:confused:

Three old men went to see God.

The first old man, an American, asked God when will his country come out of recession. "100 years," God said.
The American started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Second man, a Russian asked God "When will my country become prosperous?"
"Fifty years," came the reply.
Russian too started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Finally the Indian asked God, "When will my country become corruption-free?"
God started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"