Jokes (Only clean jokes here, please!)

[sahilthegoodguy]

On a lighter note

 

[pushpinder]

Alien Message Decoded


Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien Civilization:

Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the Star System at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your Star System at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other Star Systems. Within one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!

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A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The busdriver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea" the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

 

[Mangesh Bramhe]

In Parliament,
Mamta Banerjee asked Manmohan Singh, "Aapne humse ek baar bhi poocha nahi aur Petrol ke daam 7.5 Rs badha diye?!?"

Manmohan replied, "Humne socha ki chalo....
...Aaj Kuch Toofani karte hain!!"

 

[invincible]

let me hold your monkey."

ROFL

 

[mgdelhi]

Teacher: Jo mere sawal ka jawab dega wo ghar ja sakta hai,

Santa ne foran apna bag khirki se bahar phenka..

Teacher: Ye bag kis ne phenka hai..???

Santa: Maine ….. yahooo.. … Chutti..

Teacher shocked…

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3 Friends ek hi ghar me rahete they.
Ghar 100th floor pe tha.
1din teeno party se late night ghar pahunche.
LIFT kharab thi.
Golu: kya kare ?
Molu: ek kaam karte hai, story sunate hue chalte hai, jaldi pahunch jaayenge
Tolu : ok.
Molu ne 45th floor tak comedy movie ki story sunai.
Golu ne 99th floor tak Action movie ki story sunai.
Baat karte karte Ghar aa gaye
Golu: yar Tolu tune story nahi sunai , tu bhi suna
Tolu: Suno , HORROR MOVIE ----- GATE ki Chabhi gaadi mey bhul gaya..... .

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Samajhdaar Santa
.
Ek din Santa ne bahut sunder ladki dekhi aur socha
.
.
.
Bahut socha...

Kya socha...?..

Kaash !
ye meri Maa hoti to main bhi itnasundar hota!!

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Santa - Kya Baat hai yaar, aaj Tere
Mobile pe Alag-Alag number se I
LOVE
YOU ke Khub msg aa rahe hai!
.
.
Pappu - abe Kuch nahi yaar, Apni
Aisi
Kismt kaha,
Aaj to girlfrnd ka Mobile le aaya
hu...

 

[Alpha]

 

[Indizen]

Nice one, John

 

[sahilthegoodguy]

 

[Vipin Singh Rawat]

 

[Mangesh Bramhe]

Wife left a stick-note on the fridge which read, " Its not working!! I can't take it anymore. I have gone to stay at my Mom's place!! "

I opened the fridge, the light came ON & the Beer was perfectly chilled!!

Guzzling the Beer, I said to myself, " WTF was she talking about??!! "



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A Man & Woman, who had never met before, find themselves on the Upper & Lower Berth of a Long distance Train.

At 2 AM, Man leans over saying, " Ma'am, sorry to bother You, would You be kind enough to give me a 2nd Blanket from the side-table?? Its awfully cold up here!! "

" I have a better idea.. " She replied. " Just for tonight, why dont we pretend that we are Married?? "

" Great Idea Ma'am.. " He replied in excitement!!

She says, " Well Darling... Then get up & take it Yourself!! "



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Santa's Girl Friend told Him to bring PROTECTION, the next time they go on a Date!!

Santa brought 3 Brothers, 5 Cousins & 4 Friends, all armed with Hockey Sticks!!