Jokes (Only clean jokes here, please!)

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Yogesh Sarkar, May 19, 2006.

  1. Yogesh Sarkar

    Yogesh Sarkar Administrator

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    Gabbar: Kitne admi they?

    Sambha: Sardar 2

    Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?

    Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai

    Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?

    Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.

    Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?

    Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata>

    Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?

    Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.

    Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?

    Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.

    Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?

    Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do
     
  2. RenuKumar

    RenuKumar Member

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    Drunkards/ Kuduka jokes

    This is how a drunkard behave or respond... Just enjoy...

    PS: No offence to my drunkard friends...
    *********

    Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"

    Kuduka: "No, who wrote it?"
    *********

    Kuduka ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
    "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
    *********

    How do you measure a Drunkard's intelligence?
    Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
    *********

    How do you make a Kuduka laugh on Saturday?
    Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

    *********

    What do you do when a Kuduka throws a hand grenade at you?
    Pull the pin and throw it back.

    More to follow.... :lol:

    Again, drunkard friends... no offence please......
     
  3. Yogesh Sarkar

    Yogesh Sarkar Administrator

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    Re: Drunkards/ Kuduka jokes

    lol good ones
     
  4. PatcyBoy

    PatcyBoy Member

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    A Picture is worth a thousand words......err two pictures actually...


    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Rajan
     
  5. hacket

    hacket Old school

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    my fave one liners

    Silence is golden but shouting is fun.

    You guys were getting crazy lean! You inspired me to ride harder. I crashed

    This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random

    Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

    Mopeds are like fat women. Fun to ride but you don't want to be seen with em!

    Don't drink and drive.... You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

    Zero to bitch in 10 seconds
     
  6. Yogesh Sarkar

    Yogesh Sarkar Administrator

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    An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer.

    He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

    Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that u are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow just $5,000?"

    The Indian replied," Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"
     
  7. anupmathur

    anupmathur Super Moderator Staff Member

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    Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

    One woman's hobby is another woman's hubby.

    The easiest way to make your old car run better is to check the prices of a new car.

    It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.

    I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

    I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

    Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

    Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

    Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

    I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
     
  8. anupmathur

    anupmathur Super Moderator Staff Member

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    The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster.

    One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.

    At Mass, he asked the congregation "Has anybody got a cock?" - all the men stood up.
    "No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" - all the women stood up.
    "No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." - half the women stood up.
    "No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" - all the nuns stood up.
     
  9. anupmathur

    anupmathur Super Moderator Staff Member

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    Rajan, sorry, I can't seem to get this one. Are there pics missing or is it just a feeble one? :confused:
     
  10. Devil.Dj

    Devil.Dj Active Member

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    Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.

    Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window
    of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

    The husband shouted , "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have
    apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

    So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

    A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the
    damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique
    bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

    A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my
    window?"

    "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

    "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a
    genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that
    you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you each
    one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

    "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out,
    "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life."

    "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And
    I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

    "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to
    own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,"
    she said.
    "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from
    fire,burglary and natural disasters!"

    "And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

    " Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman
    in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife."

    The husband looked at his wife and said, "honey, you know we both now have a
    fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

    She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.
    Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you,
    honey?"

    "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.

    "I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where
    they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was
    insatiable.
    After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and looked
    directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

    "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

    "Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you
    still believe in genies?"
     

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