Jokes (Only clean jokes here, please!)
- Thread starter Yogesh Sarkar
- Start date
sahilthegoodguy
Well-Known Member
संता का बॉस- मेरी यह शर्ट उल्*टी करके प्रेस करना।
संता- जी सर।
दो दिन बाद.....
बॉस-अरे तुमने अभी तक मुझे शर्ट प्रेस करके नहीं दी।
संता- सर, दो दिन से कोशिश कर रहा हूं। उल्*टी ही नहीं आ रही है। इसलिए शर्ट भी प्रेस नहीं हुई।
संता- जी सर।
दो दिन बाद.....
बॉस-अरे तुमने अभी तक मुझे शर्ट प्रेस करके नहीं दी।
संता- सर, दो दिन से कोशिश कर रहा हूं। उल्*टी ही नहीं आ रही है। इसलिए शर्ट भी प्रेस नहीं हुई।
Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and
thinking, surely i can't look that old? Well......you'll love this
one!
My name is alice smith and i was sitting in the waiting room for my
first appointment with a dental new dentist. I noticed his diploma,
which bore his full name.
Suddenly, i remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same
name had been in my secondary school class some 30-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, i quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, grey haired man with the deeply lined face was far too
old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, i asked him
if he had attended morgan park secondary school ....
'yes, yes i did. I'm a morganner! 'he beamed with pride.
'when did you leave to go to college?' i asked
he answered, in 1965. Why do you ask?
'you were in my class!' i exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then the ugly,
old,
bald,
wrinkled,
fat arsed,
grey haired,
decrepit,
jack ass
scumbag asked..
'what did you teach?'
- - - Updated - - -
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man
is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. --
John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read
the newspaper you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity
is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by
the handle. -- Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the
support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man,
which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon
Liddy
7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting
on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard , Civil Libertarian
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor
people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. --
Douglas Casey , Classmate of Bill Clinton at George town University
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car
keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke , Civil Libertarian
10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors
to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat ,
French economist (1801-1850)
11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short
phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if
it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986)
12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the
facts. -- Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what
it costs when it's free! -- P.J. O'Rourke
14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money
as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. --
Voltaire (1764)
15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean
politics won't take an interest in you! -- Pericles (430 B.C.)
16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature
is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866)
17. Talk is cheap...except when Congress/Senate / Parliment does it. -- Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy
appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the
blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of
misery. -- Winston Churchill
20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that
the taxidermist leaves the skin. --Mark Twain
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is
to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer , English
Philosopher (1820-1903)
22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save
Congress. -- Mark Twain
23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. --
Edward Langley , Artist (1928-1995)
24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong
enough to take everything you have. -- Thomas Jefferson
25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public
office. -- Aesop
Not sent from my Blackberry or iPhone.
thinking, surely i can't look that old? Well......you'll love this
one!
My name is alice smith and i was sitting in the waiting room for my
first appointment with a dental new dentist. I noticed his diploma,
which bore his full name.
Suddenly, i remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same
name had been in my secondary school class some 30-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, i quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, grey haired man with the deeply lined face was far too
old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, i asked him
if he had attended morgan park secondary school ....
'yes, yes i did. I'm a morganner! 'he beamed with pride.
'when did you leave to go to college?' i asked
he answered, in 1965. Why do you ask?
'you were in my class!' i exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then the ugly,
old,
bald,
wrinkled,
fat arsed,
grey haired,
decrepit,
jack ass
scumbag asked..
'what did you teach?'
- - - Updated - - -
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man
is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. --
John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read
the newspaper you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity
is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by
the handle. -- Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the
support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man,
which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon
Liddy
7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting
on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard , Civil Libertarian
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor
people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. --
Douglas Casey , Classmate of Bill Clinton at George town University
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car
keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke , Civil Libertarian
10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors
to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat ,
French economist (1801-1850)
11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short
phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if
it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986)
12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the
facts. -- Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what
it costs when it's free! -- P.J. O'Rourke
14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money
as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. --
Voltaire (1764)
15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean
politics won't take an interest in you! -- Pericles (430 B.C.)
16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature
is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866)
17. Talk is cheap...except when Congress/Senate / Parliment does it. -- Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy
appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the
blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of
misery. -- Winston Churchill
20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that
the taxidermist leaves the skin. --Mark Twain
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is
to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer , English
Philosopher (1820-1903)
22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save
Congress. -- Mark Twain
23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. --
Edward Langley , Artist (1928-1995)
24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong
enough to take everything you have. -- Thomas Jefferson
25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public
office. -- Aesop
Not sent from my Blackberry or iPhone.
pushpinder
Guru
sshersh
Member
Mom.: Son , get up its time to go to College.
Son: No Maa. I don't want to go to college.
Mom: Give me 2 reasons why don't u want to go to college.
Son: 1. All students hate me. 2. All staff hates me.
Mom: Ooh! That's not a reason. Come on. U must go to college.
Son: Give me 2 reasons why I should go 2 college.
Mom: 1. U are 47 years old. 2. U are the Principal of the college.
Moral: Sirf Bachon ka hi Dil nahi karta Chutti karne ko.,
Son: No Maa. I don't want to go to college.
Mom: Give me 2 reasons why don't u want to go to college.
Son: 1. All students hate me. 2. All staff hates me.
Mom: Ooh! That's not a reason. Come on. U must go to college.
Son: Give me 2 reasons why I should go 2 college.
Mom: 1. U are 47 years old. 2. U are the Principal of the college.
Moral: Sirf Bachon ka hi Dil nahi karta Chutti karne ko.,
ruchir.chak
Member
Dont know whether this one had been shared earlier:
A highway police pulled over a driver and told him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won Rs.1 lakh in a safety competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" the Officer asked.
"I guess I'll go to driving school and get my licence," the man answered.
"Don't listen to him," said the woman in the passenger seat. "He tries to be witty when he's drunk."
This woke up the guy in the back seat, who saw the cop and said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
Then there was a knock from the dicky and a voice asked, "Are we across the border yet?"
A highway police pulled over a driver and told him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won Rs.1 lakh in a safety competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" the Officer asked.
"I guess I'll go to driving school and get my licence," the man answered.
"Don't listen to him," said the woman in the passenger seat. "He tries to be witty when he's drunk."
This woke up the guy in the back seat, who saw the cop and said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
Then there was a knock from the dicky and a voice asked, "Are we across the border yet?"
joie de vivre
Guru
How many positions have you tried?.......
