Jokes (Only clean jokes here, please!)
- Thread starter Yogesh Sarkar
- Start date
joie de vivre
Guru
Beer puri....
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A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The guy then responded in a loud voice, "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH!"
Everyone in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered in her ear, "I study law, and I know how to screw people."
The girl replied in a loud voice: "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The guy then responded in a loud voice, "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH!"
Everyone in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered in her ear, "I study law, and I know how to screw people."
John Mathai
john-the wanderer
How To Start A Day With A Positive Outlook?
1. Open a new file in your PC .
2. Name it "Boss"
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
7. Feeling better?
1. Open a new file in your PC .
2. Name it "Boss"
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
7. Feeling better?
sujitbhati
Senior Member
suno bai mitro sade asool...
aap peende ni kise nu piaouni ni.
dish chaldi ni cable luvouni ni.
rab nal rusna ni duniya manouni ni.
Koi yaar chhadna ni saheli banouni ni.
jahaj milna ni car chalouni ni.
asi bhjaa k lijani ni unj kise ne sade naal viohni ni.
sohni fasdi ni madi fasouni ni.. suno bai mitro sade asool...
aap peende ni kise nu piaouni ni.
- - - Updated - - -
aap peende ni kise nu piaouni ni.
dish chaldi ni cable luvouni ni.
rab nal rusna ni duniya manouni ni.
Koi yaar chhadna ni saheli banouni ni.
jahaj milna ni car chalouni ni.
asi bhjaa k lijani ni unj kise ne sade naal viohni ni.
sohni fasdi ni madi fasouni ni.. suno bai mitro sade asool...
aap peende ni kise nu piaouni ni.
- - - Updated - - -
To day I told my grandson the great changes that have occurred in my lifetime, from the time when I was a child.
"Look, when I was a kid as you are now, my mom sent me to the store around the corner, with 10 rupees. I returned with two packs of butter, two liters of milk, a bag of potatoes, two packets of cheese, a packet of sugar, a loaf of bread and a dozen eggs."
And my grandson replied:
"Grandfather, in your time there were no surveillance cameras?"
- - - Updated - - -
no offense intended. I grew up in Gujarat.
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London.
They turn a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timers Bar - ALL DRINKS 10p.
They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a pint of bitter. In no time the bartender serves up four frothing pints of bitter, and says,
"That'll be 10p each, please."
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other.
They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their pints, and order another round.
Again, four excellent pints are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40p, please."
They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them.
They've each had two pints and haven't even spent a £1 yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve a pint of bitter as good as this for a 10p a piece?"
"I'm a retired tailor," the bartender says, and I always wanted to own a bar.
Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place.
Every drink costs 10p. wine, liquor, beer it's all the same."
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their pints of beer, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says,
"They're retired Gujraties from Wembley.. . . ......
They're waiting for Happy Hour ......... when drinks are half-price. ! !!
- - - Updated - - -
Three accountants were in the bathroom, standing at the urinals.
The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his
hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used 3 paper
towels and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried.
Turning to the other two accountants, he said, "At Price Waterhouse
Coopers, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second accountant finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to
wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried
his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and
said, "At KPMG, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we
are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third accountant finished, pulled up his zipper and walked straight
for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Shah & Patel, we don't piss
on our hands."
"Look, when I was a kid as you are now, my mom sent me to the store around the corner, with 10 rupees. I returned with two packs of butter, two liters of milk, a bag of potatoes, two packets of cheese, a packet of sugar, a loaf of bread and a dozen eggs."
And my grandson replied:
"Grandfather, in your time there were no surveillance cameras?"
- - - Updated - - -
no offense intended. I grew up in Gujarat.
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London.
They turn a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timers Bar - ALL DRINKS 10p.
They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a pint of bitter. In no time the bartender serves up four frothing pints of bitter, and says,
"That'll be 10p each, please."
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other.
They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their pints, and order another round.
Again, four excellent pints are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40p, please."
They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them.
They've each had two pints and haven't even spent a £1 yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve a pint of bitter as good as this for a 10p a piece?"
"I'm a retired tailor," the bartender says, and I always wanted to own a bar.
Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place.
Every drink costs 10p. wine, liquor, beer it's all the same."
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their pints of beer, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says,
"They're retired Gujraties from Wembley.. . . ......
They're waiting for Happy Hour ......... when drinks are half-price. ! !!
- - - Updated - - -
Three accountants were in the bathroom, standing at the urinals.
The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his
hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used 3 paper
towels and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried.
Turning to the other two accountants, he said, "At Price Waterhouse
Coopers, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second accountant finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to
wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried
his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and
said, "At KPMG, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we
are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third accountant finished, pulled up his zipper and walked straight
for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Shah & Patel, we don't piss
on our hands."
oriole12
Nature Lover
Very sad plight indeed!
