Jokes (Only clean jokes here, please!)

John Mathai

John Mathai

john-the wanderer
A lady rang up St. Joseph’s Hospital and timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear, if you tell me the name and room number of the patient?" The sweet lady in a weak,
tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator said, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news.... Her nurse just told me that
Norma is going normal.... Her blood pressure is fine, her blood report just came in and - all is ok, and by the way her physician,
Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The sweet lady said, "Thank you... That's wonderful..!! I was so worried. God bless you for the good news..!!"

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome... Is Norma your daughter?"

The lady said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302... No one tells me anything"
 
bhuwan singh

bhuwan singh

Guru
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge (still working), he put it in his front yard and hung a Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!

They walk amongst us!
-------------------------------------
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.....
"Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and said..."Where?"

They walk among us!

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the Estate agent which direction was north because
He didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time. She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'

They Walk Among Us!
--------------------------------------------
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the Sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said She "didn't think she'd get sunburned
Because the car was moving."

They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt
If she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.

They Walk Among Us!

-------------------------------------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and
Said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut Into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
Then said "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

They Walk Among Us!
And last, but not least:
Dumb as a box of Rocks
TRUE STORY:

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi (Speaker of the United States House of Representatives<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaker_of_the_United_States_House_of_Representatives>) happened to appear. Ms. Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'



Sadly, they walk among us! And, MORE sadly, hold high offices!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------

Traffic Camera

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for Driving without a seat belt!!!


You can't fix stupid.
 
SHEKHAR 257

SHEKHAR 257

Be a Good person but Don't try to Prove.
How Tso Kigar & Tso Moriri Were Formed

This is a folk tale about how the Tsokar lake in Ladakh lost most of its water. It also explains the origin of the tiny Tso Kiagar lake on the way to TsoMoriri. The story was told to me by a local from the Thukje village.

"There used to be a lot of water in the Tsokar lake". He said. And pointing  towards the base of the mountains as he traced an imaginary line showing how high the water level was in the days gone by.Â

 "In fact, during my grandfather's days the lake had a lot of water". He added. "My grandfather used to tell me stories about how the lake lost most of its water".

"Tell me" i said. Interested.

"This is all the handiwork of Yamaraj (the lord of death). You see, Yamaraj was a mischievous man". Hmm.. i cant imaging the lord of death to be mischievous. But go on… "One day he wanted to play a prank on the Thukje villagers. So he drank all the water from the Tsokar lake and went towards Tsomoriri to dump the water there. But as he was sneaking away, he was unable to stifle a laugh and some of the water escaped fell back into the lake. This became the Tsokar lake as we know today".

"On his way to Tsomoriri he stopped on top of the mountain to look back at Tsokar. Seeing how little water it had, he couldn't stop laughing and some more water escaped from his nostrils and formed the Tso Kiagar lake. Finally he managed to control himself and went to Tsomoriri to dump the water there."

So there my readers. This is the story of how the Tsokar lake lost most of its waters and how the Tso Kiagar lake was born.

Shrinking Glaciers - The real reason :
Ofcourse, the real reason for the reduced waters levels in the Tsokar lake is due to the shrinking glaciers on the mountains surrounding the lake. The south facing glaciers have all but disappeared now and the north facing glaciers are also quickly receding. You can see that evidence in the photos of the mountains surrounding the lake.
 
G

gigy

New Member
3 idiots ( Latest version )

Rancho - *Smiling*

Teacher- Aap Muskura kyu rahe hain?

Rancho - Bohot Dino se Admin banne ki iccha thi...aj Ban gaya hu..bohot maza aa raha hai

Teacher- Zada Maza Lene Ki Zarurat nai hai...Tell me What is a Post?

Rancho- Anything that is posted on Facebook..is Post Sir

Teacher- Can you Please elaborate?

Rancho- sir..jo bhi Facebook pe log daalte hai ,post hai sir...Ghumne...*gye..photo daal diya! Post hai Sir
Match dekha Score daal diya! Post hai Sir ..Sir actually hum post se ghire hue hai sir! Katrina ki Pic se Ronaldo ki Kick tak!
Sab post hai sir! Ek second me Comment ,ek second me like!
Comment-like.. comment-like
.
.
Teacher- Shut up! ADMIN banke ye karoge?Comment-*like comment like....
Hey chatur tum batao

Chatur- Pictures,texts or Videos posted through Mobile or Tablet or laptop or desktop via Different Operating
system using Internet on Facebook is called a Post...

Teacher- excellent!

Rancho- par sir maine bhi toh vohi bola seedhe shabdo mein...

Teacher- Seedhe shabdo me karna hai toh orkut ya twiter ke pages k admin bano... :mad:

Rancho- Par sir dusre sites bhi toh..

Teacher-Get out!

Rancho- why sir?

teacher- Seedhe Shabdo me bahar jaiye

Rancho goes out and Comes Back*

Teacher- kya hua?

Rancho- kuch Bhul gya tha sir

Teacher- Kya?

Rancho- An Utility button given to us, to protect our Private data i.e pictures messages or personal Information for being
stolen or Used for bad purpose by hackers or anyone else...

Teacher- kehna kya chahte ho!?!?

Rancho- logout sir! Logout karna bhul gya tha!

Teacher- seedha seedha nai bol sakte the?!

Rancho- thodi der pehle try kiya tha sir, aapko pasand nahi aaya...
 
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