No marriage due to biking hobby :(

KurtRules

Come as you are!
^ What you have said is ideally correct. BUT, if a male gets emotionally involved with a female, and a female rejects him without any intimation, the bond tends to grow even stronger, more so because it is hard for an emotionally involved male to accept rejection.

You have mentioned that everything is evident, but to me it is not. Especially not in the first meet, and especially when the female displayed interest, as in this case. Perspectives differ I believe. If the OP wants to contact her, trust me, he will! That is how it works. People call a women a complex entity. A male mind is much more. Or that is the way I feel. So a good way out here is to gather what the female in question actually feels, and then opt out rather than opting out without even knowing :)

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You should never contact a girl after you get a NO. Woman put a lot of time in their decision-making than us guys.

Generally, parents think they know what they are doing but often they are as clueless as anyone else. If girl did not stand against her parents when they said no, she never will.
A few of the folks I know got 10 NO's, evenly from the girl and her parents. But they are still happily married with the same girl. So a generalization would not be correct here.
 

Big Daddy

Super User
A few of the folks I know got 10 NO's, evenly from the girl and her parents. But they are still happily married with the same girl. So a generalization would not be correct here.

Look who is really generalizing? Each situation is different. I am just interpreting the circumstances. The girl's parents appear to be bent on getting her married in 3-4 months, she wants to continue education (they want to outsource her education cost :)), they did not like his biking habit to begin with (first impression was negative). The guy hates education meaning that in the end wife will be more qualified than the guy (if I am correct). Finally, they overruled what appears to be girl's yes decision (although girl's parents say that she said no). For all purposes, the guy is stranger to the girl. A few moments of good time can be easily forgotten if the girl is shown better prospect. All we have here is a diwana's point of view that the girl likes him. It has to be taken with a grain of salt.

We don't know what other options girl has. Considering all these scenarios, I am inclined to stick to my view point. This is not a "no" for a date. This is a "no" for marriage. Most people put in some thought before coming to this conclusion. Besides there is other ego aspect from the guys' parents. They don't want the guy to be contacting the girl. Then there is geographic Baroda-Mumbai distance issue. Under such situations, repeated contacts would most likely result in bigger failures down the road. Besides what is the reward in the end? A nagging wife, reverse dowry (paying for wife's education) and complaining in-laws who did not like you in the first place.

In my personal experience when a girl says "no" when she means "yes" then she also leaves big "hints" behind the scenes because she is afraid of losing you. I do not see any such hints here because the girl could have given her number/email to the guy upon his only meeting with her. In all likelihood she was trying to reject him nicely and Mr. Diwana did not read it correctly.
 
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kprixie

Active Member
Besides what is the reward in the end? A nagging wife, reverse dowry (paying for wife's education) and complaining in-laws who did not like you in the first [email protected] bigdaddy........very good analysis...i loved the one ...''Reverse Dowry''...........lol. it makes sense...bout the in laws not liking u in first place. but maybe the 'Diwaana'' in question thinks the girl is worth losing his ego over..or maybe he hasn't been meeting some fun, interesting sparky babes..thus he is smitten. ek baar bol ke dekhne do..kya hoga zyaada se zyaada ladki naa bolegi ya mr Diwaana will get married to her after all. bas after that whether she nags or in laws whine...dekha jayega...
 

Big Daddy

Super User
These things happen and are part of growing up. I had my share of Diwana problems with women so these thoughts are no big deal. I would point out one thing for all these young BCMTians that, I think, was the biggest communication blunder in this case. So here it goes: If a girl's father asks you for your future plans. NEVER discuss trip to Leh or something similar. Most likely the father is asking for your future plans in terms of career, income etc. The father is trying to "measure up" your financial status against other competing candidates. If you start discussing your travel plans to look "cool" then the father will most likely conclude you are immature.

To what extent "measuring up" a prospect is right is a moot point. Some may consider it rude or whatever. I would not blame the father because he is trying to find what is best for his daughter and his concern is alright. What guys should know is that coming across as a responsible person who shows concern for career and family may be more important in such situations than trying to act cool.
 

KurtRules

Come as you are!
@Big Daddy: I agree with the points you have stated. However, I would still believe that the guy should give atleast one shy again at the girl, even if not to continue any further, but quite simply to hear from the horse's mouth on what actually transpired between the girl and her parents. If the girl was wanting to get into the marriage, but backed off simply because her parents decided against it, then the guy should not persue any further. We are making assumptions here, but no one knows for sure on what happened, not even the guy.

So to start of a communication, it is imperative that the guy in question chooses a walk around the park for the beginning, and not jump directly to the question. Once, the girl replies, then perhaps the communication can be taken to a direct level.

I have had my share of quite a diwana mastana moments as well; Ruffled emotions need comforting, needless to say, be it just for egoistic, or emotional satisfaction, which in turn if left unstable, can lead to unpleasent circumstances. If the girl states up front that our guy here did please her but her parents did not approve, then our diwana would be able to rest his case :) So my opinion here, like before, is the guy should try and contact. Should try and sort things out. Marriage of course, is a secondary debate.

There is one point that I donot agree to -

Reverse Dowry: The girl wants to study further and the parents want to outsource her education. - Here, it is understandable that the girl is already qualified and wants to pursue further education, which in return would garner a prosperous future & a rewarding job & which in turn would benefit the couple themselves. So basically, this would later turn out to be an appreciating asset for the guy and his family; quite a viable investment for now, looking at future prospects. Remember, the guy is not keen towards studies, and it can be assumed that the guy would not study any further. Had the girl's parents looked for a guy AFTER she had completed her studies, they would have never even considered the guy in question, as, in arranged marriages, parents seldom want to marry off their girl to a guy who is lesser qualified. Traditionally, they look for a Higher qualified male. It is quite possible that the guy got rejected due to him not wanting to study any further.

Moreover, in arranged marriages talking for an hour is a good amount of time, and it is quite possible that the girl did infact give some hints and our diwana did not get them. So then it becomes all the more necessary to sync up with the girl, because as I see it, he is currently baffled!
 

kprixie

Active Member
WOW!!.....marraige is turned into kind of financial lein dein...and solid calculations. the boys calculate the financial benefits in marrying a highly educated or well paid prospects. someone who will earn lots and add more to financial gain overall. but are we not deviating from the essence of marraige. should we not talk more about whether we like the person.. understanding and love one wants from our lifepartner....and u do realize that first is the background check of the prospective person..his ability to provide for his new family etc is established then the girl and boy r introduced. so from then on it should be very important to see if u click on a deeper level..even above physical attributes. coz unions made on superficial grounds like physicality...materialism do not make strong foundation. its wonderful to have someone whom u can laugh a lot...have common interests...and some attraction. makes life so much fun and interesting. if ure not on same wavelength then all the money and luxury cannot make u happy.
 

KurtRules

Come as you are!
I completely agree with you, kprixie. I was only replying in favor of my dis-agreement to reverse dowry, and that too, in practical terms. :)
 

amit_sharma

Gladiator
Oops.. very nice way to fall in love dear.
Before accepting my congratulations just ask yourself few questions
1. Do you really think she is the one?
2. Do you feel she has some corner for you?
There can be more complex questions as well but I will not go into details. Heart is the organ which understands simple language.
I suggest not to transfer things to your brain in this matter.

If your answer to the above mentioned are YES & the degree of love is creeping up with time. Than Congratulations & welcome to the gang. You are waiting your time here. GO find the way to contact her. Your commitment & desire would be directly proportional to your efforts.
You should at least tell her what is in your mind else how would she know. Hurry up else she would be meeting some more Boring Chaps of her parents’ choice. Go Save Her & yourself.
Best of luck.
Cheers….
 
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