No marriage due to biking hobby :(

Big Daddy

Super User
@Big Daddy: I agree with the points you have stated. However, I would still believe that the guy should give atleast one shy again at the girl, even if not to continue any further, but quite simply to hear from the horse's mouth on what actually transpired between the girl and her parents. If the girl was wanting to get into the marriage, but backed off simply because her parents decided against it, then the guy should not persue any further. We are making assumptions here, but no one knows for sure on what happened, not even the guy.
Generally, it is not love it is curiosity that keeps a guy interested. Trust me if the girl says "yes" then it is likely that the guy will feel he can do better and lose interest in girl that said "yes". A man gets intense emotions quickly and then lose them quickly as well. That is why men are quick to get angry and jealous; and women do use this weakness very well in relationships.

In my experience, a woman's decision making is less individualistic and more collective. What I mean by that is, if a woman really likes you, you will not be first to know. It will be her friends that will know first and confirm that it was a good decision and then you will know. So even if the guy tries to ask the girl he will most likely not get an answer. Why would she explain the collective decision-making process to a stranger or mere acquaintance that she will never see again?

The mistake we guys make is assume that girl is incharge of her decision-making. So, all those "no" changing to "yes" that you referred to earlier is mostly change in the "collective advisory committee's" decision. There are few women who take independent decisions but they are often considered as rebels or independent head strong women. Men sometimes get scared of such women due to lack of femininity.

The primary problem in this case distance. The guy does not want to marry for a year and continue a long-distance relationship for a year. What woman would find that desirable? The situation has a big "no" written on it. It is better to cut it off. Why put the woman on spot and seek explanation?
 

kprixie

Active Member
''A man gets intense emotions quickly and then lose them quickly as well. That is why men are quick to get angry and jealous; and women do use this weakness very well in relationships.''[email protected] Big daddy............ps enlighten us how women take advantage of men being quick in anger and jealousy??....

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@Kurtrules.......no probs...its a healthy discussion goin on here and its good to have 2 diff aspects discussed here. don't want everyone saying samething...better if pros and cons r both discussed..hopefully gives more insight to our Bcmt'' Deewaana''..........cheers
 

kprixie

Active Member
[email protected] Big daddy.....thats the craziest one i ever heard......then why would a guy be so dumb to even try...ure giving so much gyaan here and some of it is very sensible so how come u don't understand that the babe who is comparing her guy to others now is just not worth it. u should know better ya. but then again guys do anything...to impress babes, its just a means to an end. :rolleyes::grin:
 

KurtRules

Come as you are!
@Big Daddy:- You are unnecessary mixing different issues here, some of which are not even required. I completely agree on the curiosity comment, which is why it becomes all the more imperative that the fellow messages her. But isn't that evident my comment above. So your point is?

To me love is an evolving process, love at first sight and things like that are bull-shit.

In my experience, if a boy likes a girl, his friends, family and perhaps the neighbours too, would know before the girl. Girls are normally conservative and do not give in easily whereas guys, have a bloated ego to keep, boast around on the latest developments be it about their personal lives. A girl would rather observe, analyse and then perhaps decide.

Your experience seems pretty calculated, practical with all the risk analysis done; but relations, at least here, don't work that way. Guys would be guys, some would suffer and some would succeed. We have to let it be. Just to add on, If I were to follow your approach, which to me is a wrap of practicality over pessimism and insecurity, then perhaps I would not have been married till date! Nothing more to say.

And I never mentioned changing the 'no' to 'yes'. Where did you get that from? All I am looking for is a probe into the matter.

"Long distance relationship for a year"? If you read carefully the guy had planned his ride for Ladakh next year, and wanted to get married after that but the girl proposed that if they get married, she would love to accompany him to Ladakh and hence, an hour long discussion pursued between them, which was only possible if both parties involved came to a mutual solution.

I believe in what I said and I stand by it. We've both had our experiences, but I am actually looking at my positive ones, and suggesting. The sheer presence of this thread on a public forum shows the emotional instability of the OP! Mine is a humble effort to channelize it correctly without jumping to conclusion.
 
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Big Daddy

Super User
--- If I were to follow your approach, which to me is a wrap of practicality over pessimism and insecurity, then perhaps I too would not have been married till date! Nothing more to say.
I do agree with you with the cultural aspect in my discussions. However, aren't you jumping to conclusions on my life? Since when me being single became my shortcoming? I was engaged and then decided against marriage. I had women wanted to move in with me and I rejected. I met some incredible women in my life where I screwed up and then some women I met messed up with me. In the end, I learned a lot about myself and did some self analysis to know what I want.

The whole process made me learn too much about women. If I were to say it on the board, the whole board will ignite with terrible emotions from both genders. For the most part, I am trying to be reticent on this thread. If you notice, after my original comment all I am doing is responding to people's comments on what I said earlier. If there is a direction change or if I analyzed things or if I wrote something that hurts people it is not because it was my intention or even my personality. In most cases, it was because I am defending what I said. Even all the objectivity etc. that you are claiming in my posts happens when I defend myself.

In the hindsight, I realized that some people on this board try to "judge me" too much. Which to me is not my problem but of those who are judging.
 

KurtRules

Come as you are!
Don't get me wrong, I am neither judging you nor am I jumping into conclusions on your personal life. That's not how I function. I just put forward my opinion on your approach, which I felt is too 'thought over' and 'practical'. And thus, had I followed it [Looking at the change of events which led to my marriage], my marriage would never have occurred. I would not want to divulge into details on the board.

And yes, I never said you being single is your shortcoming. Infact I didn't even know that you are single. Why would I comment on your relationship status when I had no idea on it? :) My focus was simply stating a difference of opinion, which I quite promptly did. Nothing personal.

Coming to women, I have had a similar 'tryst' with the opposite gender, as yours. Many years ago, I carried my heart up my sleeve and thus, have been hurt quite a few times. And once I pulled myself out of my delusion, then quite a few other hearts were broken, some irreversibly. I entered this the arena, learnt a lot of things the hard way, changed with time. With the passage of years and various confrontations with instant love, obsessive love, sadist love, lack of love and everything but love, I got to know a lot about the opposite sex :)

Coming back to the point, your comment above comes across as defensive, and written in haste, so to say. I cannot say about the others on the board, but I do-not have the habit of creating an image of a person, by just a few verbal confrontations. However, if you are offended, then I apologize.
 

Big Daddy

Super User
I guess I misread your post when you said "I too..". I assumed that you knew I was single. So, as usual, I defended. In the end, truth came out and peace prevailed :).
 

KurtRules

Come as you are!
No, infact when I read it again, it does come out as I am associating myself with you. I think I will edit it and omit the too :)
 
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