Yogesh Sarkar
Administrator
There are times when we are filled with so much anger and rage, that we do not know what to do. Especially when we do not know with what or with whom we are angry, we just know that we are angry, in the worst way possible. And anyone unfortunate enough to come in front of us becomes a victim of that uncontrollable anger.
I had come back from my trip to Gopalpur in the morning, in fact I had reached home at around 4am and after that I had slept from 5:30am to 9am, before waking up and starting my work on the first part of the travelogue and had managed to post it at around 11:30am. However all along something was amiss, I was no longer connected inside and I was having a hard time penning down anything except the normal details and my heart in all this, just wasn’t there.
All that while my anger was building up inside, peaking its crescendo at around 1pm, when I finally decided that enough was enough and I had to just pack up and leave, I couldn’t stay any longer. I didn’t know where to go or what I would do once I got there, but I knew I had to leave. Leave once again in the search of Unknown.
The only plan I came up with was to reach ISBT Anand Vihar and board a bus going to Kumaon, to a place whose name I hadn’t yet heard. I waited for my sister to come back from office, had a fight with her and at around 4:45pm, took an Uber cab for Anand Vihar, while thinking somewhere in the back of my mind, that I might finally be answering the call of the wild.
During the cab ride I was so engrossed with my thoughts, only at times replying to a friend on WhatsApp that I didn’t realize I had reached ISBT, till a bus’s loud horn brought me back to real world and what the driver was saying. After thanking the driver, I got off from the cab and started walking inside, a cop motioned me to come from other side rather than the entrance meant for buses, which was somewhat strange. When I walked over to entrance meant for people, I realized that I wasn’t at ISBT Anand Vihar, rather I was at ISBT Kashmiri Gate!
For a moment I was completely lost, not sure about what to do. Whether to take this as God’s will and head to Himachal or Garhwal or call the cab again and head to Anand Vihar?
I eventually decided to head inside and once inside, I saw GL-23 meant for Anand Vihar, about to leave the gate. I hurried to reach it and got in, now I was once again on my way to Anand Vihar. For a strange reason I wasn’t feeling angry towards to cab driver who had dropped me at Kashmiri Gate instead of Anand Vihar, even though I had typed the correct place in Uber and I had even told him the same while starting from my home. Whatever it was, I decided to drown it out with music and while putting on my headphones, I realized I had forgotten to bring the OTG pen drive I had filled with songs before leaving home and I now had only a limited collection in my mobile phone.
In the meanwhile I got a call from my sister, who was now calm and asked me to take care of myself and not worry about anything. I eventually reached ISBT Anand Vihar around 6:30pm. I walked over to Uttarakhand bus stand and only found 2 buses with name of the places I couldn’t recognize. First was a bus heading to Nachani and Banasbgarh and the second one meant for Dharampur or Dharamgarh, now I wasn’t sure which bus to board out of these two? Though I kept coming back in front of bus meant for Banasbgarh and when I googled the same, I couldn’t find anything about that place and when I spoke to conductor, he too didn’t seem convinced about Banasbgarh, as there was nothing there to see. Same was also true for couple of people from Kumaon who joined in when I was talking with conductor.
After hearing everyone out and thinking for a few minutes, I decided to get a ticket for Banasbgarh, the only issue was, bus was to leave at 8:30pm and it was still 7pm. I passed my time by listening to music and just roaming around the bus, while informing the people who matter most in life of the place I was heading to, through text. Initially I hadn’t planned to do that, but somehow I felt the urge to inform them and so I did.
Delhi to Nachani
Even though I was the second person to board the bus, I had chosen to sit on the last seat before the bench, the one I had taken while going to Gangolihat. Knowing fully well that it would be the bumpiest of the lot, but it also had chance of going without any co-passenger. I didn’t know how wrong I was in thinking this way. Because by the time bus started from ISBT, it was all but full and then from the road, people just kept piling in and soon I had a person sitting next to me. To make things worse, this bus seemed stiffer and a lot harsher than the one I had taken to Gangolihat!
I still wasn’t able to think about anything, so I kept on listening to music. Till I felt I was calm enough to finally stop listening to it and took the headphones off. No sooner had my first co-passenger had gotten off, another boarded the bus and sat beside me. I initially didn’t realize he was drunk, but he was. To make matters worse, he was sitting next to me on the Rampur to Rudrapur stretch, which happens to be full of potholes. And this chap kept falling on me and pissing me off like anything.
On a few occasions I felt like getting up and throwing him outside the bus or at least making him leave the seat next to me, only I didn’t. I somehow managed to calm my nerves down and for the first time since waking up in the morning, I wasn’t all that angry. By the time he got off at Rudrapur, I had all but lost my anger, with it my lower back as well, since the ride was so bumpy. Sadly there wasn’t any other option, so I had to keep sitting there.
When the driver and conductor changed at Haldwani, current conductor told the new one about me, because I was the only one heading to Banasbgarh and the only tourist onboard. Truth be told, God loves fools and so do people, so driver and conductor decided to be extra nice to me.
While I on the other hand, was still struggling hard to read my heart, it was as if it had severed all communication lines and had gone in to hibernation. Despite that or maybe due to that, I was in a good mood when we reached outskirts of Almora and had Aloo-Channa for breakfast for the first time in life.
I also took out my DSLR and started doing photography from the moving bus.
As the hours passed, it was becoming clearer that I could no longer hear what my heart had to say, which made thinking difficult, because my thoughts and writing come directly from heart, rather than from mind. At this moment I decided to get sloshed after arriving in Banasbgarh and see what my limit was, with plans of picking up a bottle of BP and couple of beers.
In the meanwhile I was informed by conductor and driver that bus no longer went till Banasbgarh, due to landslide en route and they would be stopping at Nachani instead and next day starting at 6:30am. I told them I wasn’t sure if I would wake up next day that early (certainly not after getting sloshed), but if I did, I will surely join them in the journey back. Since I was only interested in going to the point till which bus was going and if that meant Nachani, then so be it. After all, my only plan was to sit in the room, drink and write if I could reconnect. All the while my back was being continuously hammered, since there was absolutely no play in the rear suspension of the bus and it was stiff as hell.
Between Berinag and Thal I eventually came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t get drunk for the sake of hearing what my heart had to say. I have never needed anything or anyone to connect with my own self and I wasn’t going to start using a stimulant to do the same. Especially when I proudly say I wear my heart out on the sleeve and say and do what comes through it, rather than go with what is practical and suggested by the mind.
So when we stopped at Thal for cold drink, I told the conductor I would be joining them in the morning and all of us sat down and talked for a while at a small restaurant, while drinking cold drinks. I also asked them if there was an ATM nearby or in Nachani (I had left home with less than 2k in pocket and I had already bought an Rs.647 ticket and had food end route). Both of them told me that they will stop the bus en route at the ATM, which is on the outskirts of Nachani.
Drive from Thal to Nachani was quite picturesque with greenery almost engulfing the road! Sure enough, just before entering Nachani, bus was stopped for me to withdraw money from ATM and once I did that, we got on our way again.
Once we reached Nachani, driver and conductor directed me to a small guest house they stay at; it wasn’t much I got a room with no view and common toilet for Rs. 150 a night. I didn’t bargain, just took it. After freshening up a bit, I went outside, bought a 99000 beer for the same price as my room (Mrp 105) and just got lost in my thoughts.
When I woke up one and a half hour later, I had complete clarity.
While I was out searching for the Unknown I felt I belong to, I came to realize that the Unknown I was looking for was nothing but my home. And my home is in the heart of those who love me. Hearts which love me unconditionally, hearts which cry to see me in distress, hearts which scold me for my own good, hearts which remain silent when I need to arrive at my own conclusion, hearts which show me the mirror, hearts which are always there with me even on my travels, hearts which laugh with me no matter the distress they are in, hearts which wait for me eagerly when I lose my direction, hearts which give me the warmth with their presence, hearts which make me feel at home no matter what, hearts which fight with me to get me back on track and hearts which fight alongside me when I need their support.
I belong to these hearts; the heart of a mother, heart of a sister, hearts of my most cherished friends and heart of the Known, who will always be with me, even if we are apart.
What I had set out to find was what I always had, just that in my search for something great and far, I had overlooked what was always in my own heart. And it was time for me to end this search for the Unknown and head back towards my home, for the Unknown was something already inside my heart and was the home I belonged to.
After this I messaged all those who have kept me in their heart, that I was coming back home, then I called up my sister and apologized for all the stress I had put her through.
I went outside looking for dinner and towards the end of market, found a place which had food (most restaurants didn’t serve dinner), had some delicious roti, sabzi and dal and walked back to my guest through the darkness engulfed streets of Nachani, which looked brighter than even the inner circle of Connaught Place.
Click here to read next part ->
I had come back from my trip to Gopalpur in the morning, in fact I had reached home at around 4am and after that I had slept from 5:30am to 9am, before waking up and starting my work on the first part of the travelogue and had managed to post it at around 11:30am. However all along something was amiss, I was no longer connected inside and I was having a hard time penning down anything except the normal details and my heart in all this, just wasn’t there.
All that while my anger was building up inside, peaking its crescendo at around 1pm, when I finally decided that enough was enough and I had to just pack up and leave, I couldn’t stay any longer. I didn’t know where to go or what I would do once I got there, but I knew I had to leave. Leave once again in the search of Unknown.
The only plan I came up with was to reach ISBT Anand Vihar and board a bus going to Kumaon, to a place whose name I hadn’t yet heard. I waited for my sister to come back from office, had a fight with her and at around 4:45pm, took an Uber cab for Anand Vihar, while thinking somewhere in the back of my mind, that I might finally be answering the call of the wild.
During the cab ride I was so engrossed with my thoughts, only at times replying to a friend on WhatsApp that I didn’t realize I had reached ISBT, till a bus’s loud horn brought me back to real world and what the driver was saying. After thanking the driver, I got off from the cab and started walking inside, a cop motioned me to come from other side rather than the entrance meant for buses, which was somewhat strange. When I walked over to entrance meant for people, I realized that I wasn’t at ISBT Anand Vihar, rather I was at ISBT Kashmiri Gate!
For a moment I was completely lost, not sure about what to do. Whether to take this as God’s will and head to Himachal or Garhwal or call the cab again and head to Anand Vihar?
I eventually decided to head inside and once inside, I saw GL-23 meant for Anand Vihar, about to leave the gate. I hurried to reach it and got in, now I was once again on my way to Anand Vihar. For a strange reason I wasn’t feeling angry towards to cab driver who had dropped me at Kashmiri Gate instead of Anand Vihar, even though I had typed the correct place in Uber and I had even told him the same while starting from my home. Whatever it was, I decided to drown it out with music and while putting on my headphones, I realized I had forgotten to bring the OTG pen drive I had filled with songs before leaving home and I now had only a limited collection in my mobile phone.
In the meanwhile I got a call from my sister, who was now calm and asked me to take care of myself and not worry about anything. I eventually reached ISBT Anand Vihar around 6:30pm. I walked over to Uttarakhand bus stand and only found 2 buses with name of the places I couldn’t recognize. First was a bus heading to Nachani and Banasbgarh and the second one meant for Dharampur or Dharamgarh, now I wasn’t sure which bus to board out of these two? Though I kept coming back in front of bus meant for Banasbgarh and when I googled the same, I couldn’t find anything about that place and when I spoke to conductor, he too didn’t seem convinced about Banasbgarh, as there was nothing there to see. Same was also true for couple of people from Kumaon who joined in when I was talking with conductor.
After hearing everyone out and thinking for a few minutes, I decided to get a ticket for Banasbgarh, the only issue was, bus was to leave at 8:30pm and it was still 7pm. I passed my time by listening to music and just roaming around the bus, while informing the people who matter most in life of the place I was heading to, through text. Initially I hadn’t planned to do that, but somehow I felt the urge to inform them and so I did.
Delhi to Nachani
Even though I was the second person to board the bus, I had chosen to sit on the last seat before the bench, the one I had taken while going to Gangolihat. Knowing fully well that it would be the bumpiest of the lot, but it also had chance of going without any co-passenger. I didn’t know how wrong I was in thinking this way. Because by the time bus started from ISBT, it was all but full and then from the road, people just kept piling in and soon I had a person sitting next to me. To make things worse, this bus seemed stiffer and a lot harsher than the one I had taken to Gangolihat!
I still wasn’t able to think about anything, so I kept on listening to music. Till I felt I was calm enough to finally stop listening to it and took the headphones off. No sooner had my first co-passenger had gotten off, another boarded the bus and sat beside me. I initially didn’t realize he was drunk, but he was. To make matters worse, he was sitting next to me on the Rampur to Rudrapur stretch, which happens to be full of potholes. And this chap kept falling on me and pissing me off like anything.
On a few occasions I felt like getting up and throwing him outside the bus or at least making him leave the seat next to me, only I didn’t. I somehow managed to calm my nerves down and for the first time since waking up in the morning, I wasn’t all that angry. By the time he got off at Rudrapur, I had all but lost my anger, with it my lower back as well, since the ride was so bumpy. Sadly there wasn’t any other option, so I had to keep sitting there.
When the driver and conductor changed at Haldwani, current conductor told the new one about me, because I was the only one heading to Banasbgarh and the only tourist onboard. Truth be told, God loves fools and so do people, so driver and conductor decided to be extra nice to me.
While I on the other hand, was still struggling hard to read my heart, it was as if it had severed all communication lines and had gone in to hibernation. Despite that or maybe due to that, I was in a good mood when we reached outskirts of Almora and had Aloo-Channa for breakfast for the first time in life.
I also took out my DSLR and started doing photography from the moving bus.
As the hours passed, it was becoming clearer that I could no longer hear what my heart had to say, which made thinking difficult, because my thoughts and writing come directly from heart, rather than from mind. At this moment I decided to get sloshed after arriving in Banasbgarh and see what my limit was, with plans of picking up a bottle of BP and couple of beers.
In the meanwhile I was informed by conductor and driver that bus no longer went till Banasbgarh, due to landslide en route and they would be stopping at Nachani instead and next day starting at 6:30am. I told them I wasn’t sure if I would wake up next day that early (certainly not after getting sloshed), but if I did, I will surely join them in the journey back. Since I was only interested in going to the point till which bus was going and if that meant Nachani, then so be it. After all, my only plan was to sit in the room, drink and write if I could reconnect. All the while my back was being continuously hammered, since there was absolutely no play in the rear suspension of the bus and it was stiff as hell.
Between Berinag and Thal I eventually came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t get drunk for the sake of hearing what my heart had to say. I have never needed anything or anyone to connect with my own self and I wasn’t going to start using a stimulant to do the same. Especially when I proudly say I wear my heart out on the sleeve and say and do what comes through it, rather than go with what is practical and suggested by the mind.
So when we stopped at Thal for cold drink, I told the conductor I would be joining them in the morning and all of us sat down and talked for a while at a small restaurant, while drinking cold drinks. I also asked them if there was an ATM nearby or in Nachani (I had left home with less than 2k in pocket and I had already bought an Rs.647 ticket and had food end route). Both of them told me that they will stop the bus en route at the ATM, which is on the outskirts of Nachani.
Drive from Thal to Nachani was quite picturesque with greenery almost engulfing the road! Sure enough, just before entering Nachani, bus was stopped for me to withdraw money from ATM and once I did that, we got on our way again.
Once we reached Nachani, driver and conductor directed me to a small guest house they stay at; it wasn’t much I got a room with no view and common toilet for Rs. 150 a night. I didn’t bargain, just took it. After freshening up a bit, I went outside, bought a 99000 beer for the same price as my room (Mrp 105) and just got lost in my thoughts.
When I woke up one and a half hour later, I had complete clarity.
While I was out searching for the Unknown I felt I belong to, I came to realize that the Unknown I was looking for was nothing but my home. And my home is in the heart of those who love me. Hearts which love me unconditionally, hearts which cry to see me in distress, hearts which scold me for my own good, hearts which remain silent when I need to arrive at my own conclusion, hearts which show me the mirror, hearts which are always there with me even on my travels, hearts which laugh with me no matter the distress they are in, hearts which wait for me eagerly when I lose my direction, hearts which give me the warmth with their presence, hearts which make me feel at home no matter what, hearts which fight with me to get me back on track and hearts which fight alongside me when I need their support.
I belong to these hearts; the heart of a mother, heart of a sister, hearts of my most cherished friends and heart of the Known, who will always be with me, even if we are apart.
What I had set out to find was what I always had, just that in my search for something great and far, I had overlooked what was always in my own heart. And it was time for me to end this search for the Unknown and head back towards my home, for the Unknown was something already inside my heart and was the home I belonged to.
After this I messaged all those who have kept me in their heart, that I was coming back home, then I called up my sister and apologized for all the stress I had put her through.
I went outside looking for dinner and towards the end of market, found a place which had food (most restaurants didn’t serve dinner), had some delicious roti, sabzi and dal and walked back to my guest through the darkness engulfed streets of Nachani, which looked brighter than even the inner circle of Connaught Place.
Click here to read next part ->
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